Trying to have a baby.

London,

Since I can remember, I've always wanted a family.  I felt like I had did everything that I ever wanted to do before I had you. I went to school, got my degrees, traveled the world, found a husband who I knew would be good father.  So the only natural thing was to begin a family. It wasn't that easy.

I learned that it was going to be somewhat difficult trying to have a baby. I was going to need a little help. So mommy and dad had to go see a doctor to help us get a baby. It took a few tries and a new new doctor. We had a scare, but finally I was pregnant. I couldn't have been more delighted. We had a doctor's appointment to confirm we were having a baby and then we had to go back to get an ultrasound.

The doctor kept looking and looking. I was thinking, Lord what is it now.  He said we see two. I said two what. He said two babies, I was like what, can you repeat that.  My prayer had just been to have a baby.  But when he said 2, I was overjoyed.

We later found out it was a girl first and then a boy.  When they said a girl I was so excited,  and then I kept praying.. Lord say its a boy.  One each would be just fine with me. I was delighted.  The lady said its a boy.  Whew.. Thank you Lord.

After we found out the sexes, I was then given the bad new that I had to be on bed rest because both babies were too heavy on my cervix.  So for a month I had to stay in the house either in bed or on the couch.  Grandma Mabel cooked everyday, Dad did all the cleaning and came home to see about me, Aunt El gave to the house every week to clean and everyone else came by to check on us.

One day I got up and water was running every where, I was so scared. Thank God your sister Jade was here, because that made me calm. I didn't want to scare her. So I called Dad, who just happened to be on his way, and he took me to the hospital. That was the scariest day of my life.  I went to one hospital and because I was having a high risk pregnancy, due to twins, I was moved to another hospital. I don't know if I ever prayed so hard and so much.

Cousin Cathy and Aunt Wanda came to my room and assured me God had everything under control.  We prayed together.

The doctors came and told me that we would just see what would happen, but that due to me being so early in my pregnancy, it was a possibility that my babies may not make it.  I was 23 weeks pregnant.  I just kept thinking that their was something greater than me and God would help us.  I stayed in the hospital for a week. Your twin sister, Twin A, was born at 24 weeks. Lauryn Milan Griffin. I named Lauryn after a singer named Lauren Hill.  I always thought she was such a talented and strong woman.  Lauryn had been a strong little girl, so the name fit.  She was born May 31, 2008.  Well here was my start of being a Mommy and making sure you both were ok.

You for some reason had decided to wait to come out. The doctors were so surprised and said most twins come right behind each other.  You waited because you knew I need you and I believe in my heart that Lauryn gave her life so that you could make it. She left this earth and gave you her strength.  Once Lauryn was born, Grandma dot drove all the way to Virginia to be with us all. She hasn't left our side.

Lauryn was born at only 12 oz.  She was the smallest baby I had ever seen. I don't know if her little arm was bigger than my index finger. It was so hard. The doctors didn't have alot of faith that she would survive. But I did. I prayed everyday and every minute. It was so hard, I was unable to see her that much because the doctors wanted me to stay in the bed because you still needed time in the womb to develop. So my memory of her is a little fuzzy at times because I didn't get to see her much. I was trying to stay strong for the both of you.

Your sister lived for 8 days. She died on June 8, 2011. The nurses said she was a fighter. The last day when her lung collapsed, I told her that I knew she had fought and it was ok if she couldn't do it anymore.  Lauryn passed in the early morning. I know she is in heaven with my grandmother Willie Mae and she's watching over her.

So through all this I want you to know that you were wanted, prayed for, loved.  So you never havw to get love from anyone else, because you have had that before you were created.

I wanted to create this blog for you to express my love for you son and so one day when you are a young man and able to read this and understand your journey. I pray that you never feel down about your hearing loss and I'm sure you will have some bad days. But just know you are a blessed little boy and we love you more than you will ever know.

I want to write about your journey getting here, surviving, learning that you were deaf and your life.  This has been a journey that I will never forget. I'm so happy that you are here. You  have brought so much joy to my life, our family and our home.  So I hope you enjoy reading about your little life.

Love always,

Mommy.