I started having contractions on June 9. I was again so scared. I was scared, but had a sense of peace because I just kept feeling that God has keep you for 10 more days and had given you some time to grow.
London Ahmir Griffin was born on June 11, 2008 weighing 1.5 1/2oz. You were 12 1/4 inches The nurses this time didn't let me see you before they wished you off to NICU. That worried me. So as I worried about London, I had to bury my mother child. Leaving the hospital it felt so weird. I didn't have a baby to take with me home. So as we left the hospital in the hospital gown, me and dad had to make funeral arrangements.
Now I'm in the hospital trying to plan a funeral for my sweet baby Lauryn. When tragedy happens you get so much inaccurate information. People were telling me that we did not have to have a funeral because Lauryn died in the hospital. Not true. If a baby takes a breath, then they are considered living and we were responsible. I didn't really care, because it was my child and I wanted her to be recognized as a living being. Which she was.. a person. We had her funeral and lifted off pink balloons in her honor.
My mind was everywhere. On Lauryn and the birth of my son. I felt like I didnt have time to grieve Lauryn's death because I had to ensure my other child would survive. So now my time in the NICU begun....
Mommy in the hospital
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Twin A
As I prayed and prayed for both of my children's safe delivery. The doctor told me that because my cervix was weak, it was a chance that I could deliver my babies between 4 days to 2 weeks. At the time I was less than 25 weeks pregnant. The doctors gave grim statistics that usually babies born before 25 weeks rarely survived and if they did, the baby could have alot of heath problems. I heard them, but continued to rely on faith. Lauryn Milan Griffin was born on May 31, 2008 weighing 14 1/2 lbs. Not even a pound. Their were so many doctors in the room, that I just cried and cried and cried. I can't even remember if I heard her cry. One of the nurses just kept saying she was feisty little thing because she kept swinging her little arms to prevent them from putting the tube down her throat. They let me see her for a brief moment before they took her down to the NICU. I was so scared. The miracle that happened, was that London didn't come right after Lauryn was born. The doctors keep shaking their heads, because most twins come right after each other, but my London waited 11 more days to be more.
I wasn't able to see her very often because the doctors wanted me to stay off my feet because I still was carrying Twin B (London). So I called the NICU everyday atleast twice a day for an update. She was so sick, but I didn't really grasp it because I hadn't seen her. Your Dad would go see her, but I couldn't. I feel so bad. I wanted to hold her, talk to her, love on her. So I recorded my voice on a tape recorder and asked the nurses to play it for her. The doctors came to see me in my room explaining the seriousness of having a baby so small. I listened, but just really didn't know what to say. I kinda felt like they were asking me to remove her from the ventilator. I wasn't about to do that. I wasn't God. If God wanted her, he would be the one to take her. I had faith. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I began to journal and write a letter to you both to let you know just how I was feeling and how much I loved you both. I still read over my journal at times.
I was able to touch Lauryn for the first time on June 5, 2008. She was so tiny. I remember her arm being no bigger than my two fingers put together. I called everyone I knew to start praying for us.
The doctors first gave hope as they said Lauryn's blood pressure medications were being decreased, they were able to get a blood pressure reading, which they hadn't many times before. They were able to turn down her oxygen. But, On June 7, 2008 things began to take a turn for the worse. Her heart rate went down, they put a tube in her chest because her lung had collapsed, oxygen had been cut off for 5 minutes. I remember the doctor's telling me to come see Lauryn because they didn't know how long she was going to make it. I went down to see her and just told her how much I loved her and if she was tired of fighting that it was ok to stop fighting. I wanted Lauryn to know that she was loved. Lauryn left this earth on June 8, 2008 at 1:15 am. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. I was hurting because I had lost something that I had always wanted as a child. My daughter.
I was so sad, but thankful that God had kept my other child. So as I lost my precious daughter, I was now praying for my other baby to survive. I believe a few things after this.. God doesn't put more on you than you can bare. He knows just how strong we are. Not in a million years did I think I would have been standing if I would have lost a baby before. I believe that Lauryn gave her life for London to survive. There is no other wa to explain why she came first and London waited 11 more days to be born. It was just a miracle, but it was God. God had to show me just who he was. I believe that Lauryn provided her strength and fight for London. There is no other way to explain how London survived. God and my grandmother was watching over us, I know they were. So my journey began trying to ensure that my Twin B survived.
I wasn't able to see her very often because the doctors wanted me to stay off my feet because I still was carrying Twin B (London). So I called the NICU everyday atleast twice a day for an update. She was so sick, but I didn't really grasp it because I hadn't seen her. Your Dad would go see her, but I couldn't. I feel so bad. I wanted to hold her, talk to her, love on her. So I recorded my voice on a tape recorder and asked the nurses to play it for her. The doctors came to see me in my room explaining the seriousness of having a baby so small. I listened, but just really didn't know what to say. I kinda felt like they were asking me to remove her from the ventilator. I wasn't about to do that. I wasn't God. If God wanted her, he would be the one to take her. I had faith. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I began to journal and write a letter to you both to let you know just how I was feeling and how much I loved you both. I still read over my journal at times.
I was able to touch Lauryn for the first time on June 5, 2008. She was so tiny. I remember her arm being no bigger than my two fingers put together. I called everyone I knew to start praying for us.
The doctors first gave hope as they said Lauryn's blood pressure medications were being decreased, they were able to get a blood pressure reading, which they hadn't many times before. They were able to turn down her oxygen. But, On June 7, 2008 things began to take a turn for the worse. Her heart rate went down, they put a tube in her chest because her lung had collapsed, oxygen had been cut off for 5 minutes. I remember the doctor's telling me to come see Lauryn because they didn't know how long she was going to make it. I went down to see her and just told her how much I loved her and if she was tired of fighting that it was ok to stop fighting. I wanted Lauryn to know that she was loved. Lauryn left this earth on June 8, 2008 at 1:15 am. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. I was hurting because I had lost something that I had always wanted as a child. My daughter.
I was so sad, but thankful that God had kept my other child. So as I lost my precious daughter, I was now praying for my other baby to survive. I believe a few things after this.. God doesn't put more on you than you can bare. He knows just how strong we are. Not in a million years did I think I would have been standing if I would have lost a baby before. I believe that Lauryn gave her life for London to survive. There is no other wa to explain why she came first and London waited 11 more days to be born. It was just a miracle, but it was God. God had to show me just who he was. I believe that Lauryn provided her strength and fight for London. There is no other way to explain how London survived. God and my grandmother was watching over us, I know they were. So my journey began trying to ensure that my Twin B survived.
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